Planting the Seed

I’m pregnant.

It’s my deepest dream come true.

I feel my expansive belly, the warmth as my hand glides over my full curves, and I begin to weep.  I’ve wanted this for so long…..

In fact, I went through a very dark time in my mid 30’s where I thought I actually couldn’t get pregnant.  I thought something was wrong with me.

Turns out, it was the wrong partner. My body knew…..

And now it’s here.
It’s real.

Creation at it’s most profound….human life.

Can you feel it?
How real it is?
Do you see it?

I do.

This is my future. I’m planting the seed.

As I sit here and write to you, I can feel my soft flat belly……there is no life in there right now. Not yet.

But I know there will be….

And it all began with a work of Art.


I’m a huge fan of Feng Shui.  When I was single, my consultant, Josiah Bouricius, came to my little 300 square foot apartment in Astoria and helped me turn that space from a single woman’s hideaway to a single woman CALLING IN her man.

I got rid of water in the bedroom, moved my mirror so it wasn’t reflecting on my bed, took down the single woman photos and art, and added vibrant color where needed.

Most importantly, I added inspiration.

And not just any inspiration, but one of the most famous works of art reproduced today,
Gustav Klimt’s The Kiss.

Every day, I would wake to the luscious image of a woman being cherished and adored, held in a passionate embrace, and I would feel into it.  Every night, I would look at it, and close my eyes, imagining connecting with the generous heart of my man.

And then one day….that amazing man walked into my apartment, professing love, and the single woman was no longer alone.

From Klimt to reality, WOW.

Josiah came to my new home in NJ, and while we originally hung the Klimt in our bedroom, Josiah recommended our next future vision.

A family.

So, I went searching online, and on Pintrest found this incredible artist,
Katie M. Berggren.

Her work took mine and my man’s breath away.  Every image was an ode to motherhood, to the beauty of children, and to family.

Her swirls of color, softness, and magic spoke directly to what we both desired.

So I ordered one of her stretched canvas prints, and it arrived last night.

Holding each other in an embrace, my man and I took in the image.
We felt the image.

And were inspired.

Today I woke, and sat on my bed, staring at the faces, serene and pure, feeling into this greater love.
And tonight, I will imagine calling in these children to me, feeling their hearts, much like I did early last year, staring at the Klimt.

This the the power of Art.
It’s magical really.

Did you know you could create this?
Did you know you have the power to create change in your audience’s lives?

Klimt did for me….and I can’t wait to send a thank you card to Katie Berggren when my belly is swelling with life.


It’s so easy to forget what is possible with our work.

And I get it!  There were definitely many days I felt so discouraged from another failed audition.  I would show up so ready to wow the casting directors, putting on my vibrant leotard, only to be wiping back tears of confusion and embarrassment an hour later after being cut.

I can remember doing a summer production of “Bells Are Ringing” way back in my late 20’s where I was counting down the days until the contract was over.  I hated the theatre, felt completely disrespected by the creative team, and the audience’s were small. My role was laughable, and I was not challenged at all.

Was I really making a difference?

It can be really discouraging to put so much of ourselves into our work, and not see the return we desire.

So, what can you do?

I invite you to remember.
Remember WHY you came to your Art in the first place.

I remember the last time I was a Rockette, I did a ton of PR.  I did many radio and TV interviews, and also did meet and greets with audience members after the show.

I remember before one show coming in and seeing this little girl, all dressed up with her mother, clutching her program and a pen.

When she saw me, her whole face lit up. Beaming, she held out her program and pen, asking me to sign it, saying,
When I grow up, I want to be a Rockette too!

I had to blink back tears, because at that point I was in my early 30’s and really starting to feel the pull of motherhood.  But what struck me most, was her open energy, and even more so, the OPPORTUNITY I had as an Artist to make an impact on her.

As I took in her flushed cheeks, I remembered being 11 years old, and staring wide eyed from my seat in the London Theatre as Cats danced and sang all around me.

Because of that production, I went into musical theatre as a profession.

What could happen for this little girl in this moment?
Could this be the seed planted for her, connecting to her deepest desire?

Not only did this moment remind me of WHY I became a dancer in the first place, but reminded me of the impact I have on my audience.

And that special moment also gave me inspiration to dance my best on stage.

It’s actually a loop of energy.


Your connection to your audience is paramount.

Are you feeding this inspiration?
Do you know what they need?
Do you know what they like?

What struck me most in my experience buying from Katie Berggren was her personal touch.  Not only did she email me directly, she also sent me a separate envelope with her line of greeting cards, a personally written thank you, and her promo materials.

Her customer service was impeccable.  She knew exactly what I needed.

I felt so supported by the entire experience, so that when the time came to hang the print last night, my man and I felt not only connected to the Art, but also the Artist.

Because of that, I will recommend her to everyone.

Katie is planting the seed.
Much like those dancers did in Cats for me when I was 11.
Much like I did for that little girl backstage….

Your work matters.

Art has the power to create change.
It even has the power to create life.

Katie shared with me her artwork has been hung by many women, desiring to be mothers, and has helped them to become pregnant.

So, come back to your inspiration today.

Remember WHY you became an Artist, feed your inspiration, and CONNECT with your audience.

It’s a loop of energy.

If you don’t know what they need or like, find out.

Let the relationship blossom.
Plant the seed.

And watch new life begin.

Rising to the Top

Do you feel like the “good guy” finishing last in your Art?
Do you watch others rise to the top, achieving stardom, who are essentially egomaniacs?

Why do THEY succeed, and you feel like you are barely being noticed?

You come to your Art from the deepest part of you, desiring to evoke change and emotion.  You want to make a difference in this crazy world, amongst so much current turmoil and pain.

Meanwhile the latest Transformers movie is raking in millions of dollars.
A song about killing and violence is top of the charts
Shady Artists are getting the record contract, movie deal, and gallery opening….

And it can be really easy to start going down the rabbit hole of,
Is this the ONLY way to make it today?
Is this what it takes to stand out from the crowd?

How do you stay in integrity with your Heart, and actually receive the acclaim you desire?

Are these two mutually exclusive?

It certainly can feel like that……


This week I watched a dear friend and colleague suffer.  She entered a contest where she created results that were astronomical.  She came to this contest with a pure heart, and pure intentions.

But her competition used bribery.
Her competition used dirty tactics.

And her competition won.

I found myself re-living so many moments of absolute frustration from my performance career.  I watched fellow performers rise to Broadway stardom, and behind the scene they were ungrateful, complaining, and in some extreme cases, were abusive.

I remembered a dancer who joined the Evita National Tour who showed up drunk and high for work.
I remembered a middle aged character man who sexually harassed several chorus women in my show, at a very highly respected regional theatre, and WASN’T fired.

How did we get there at the same time?

Did it matter WHO I was being, and HOW I showed up?

I found this week really coming into contact with a very strong need,

And I began to remember several other stories of success,

The Broadway star who welcomed me to his dressing room and posed for a silly picture.
The Acclaimed Director who shared stories of her children and gave me freedom to play in rehearsal.
The TV/Film star who shared his story with my whole tribe, offering free teaching and mentoring.

And I remembered sitting in a healing circle five years ago, my hands shaking as I wept, sharing my own story of shame and vulnerability and being shocked to the core when in this state, something truly special happened….

I wasn’t rejected. The group moved closer. And I experienced what I had been WANTING to experience all along,


I let the walls come down, and realized there had been a part of me I had kept hidden.  I kept it hidden behind blame, complaining, and comparison.

And I had a complete resurgence of my performance career.

The biggest difference?

Tapping into this allowed me to build a whole new life from scratch, and build a business.  It allowed me to become the decision maker after years of feeling like my career and Art were completely out of my control. I wasn’t asking permission from the casting directors, or agents……I realized I actually had the power all along.  It took letting down the walls to see this.

I came into contact with HOW I wanted to succeed.

HOW I wanted to show up.

I was clear I wanted to affirm not only my life, but the lives of every Artist out there, as many as I could reach and touch.

It became clear I wanted to affirm you.


Indeed, there are going to be Artists out there who rise to the top without integrity.

But my question will always be, for how long?
Is that sustainable?

Our industry is filled with suicides, addiction, and misplaced obsessions.  There are so many Artists who have no idea who they are, they are so busy chasing an image or an idea….which is why they suffer so deeply and after a quick flame, burn out fast.

So, the power lies with YOU.

WHO do you want to be?
HOW do you want to show up?

Turns out, you don’t have to rise to the top one way.

You can rise in a way that affirms life FOR you and FOR your audience.

Take a moment, and ask yourself deeply,
What does SUCCESS mean for me?


Now create and connect to that every day.

Surround yourself with evidence and give yourself the support you need. We were never meant to do this alone.

You can create Art that rises to the top, and do this in a way that feels good; free, joyous, and full of connection.

Clarify how you want to show up, and watch your audience roll in.

I see your light, and it’s brilliant.


Photography: Caitlin Cannon Photography