Diagnosis

NikiCity_132

I got the phone call last week from the lab.

Even as the words were coming out of the nurse’s mouth, I was having trouble processing.

“We got your blood results back, and you’re pre-diabetic”

But..I eat healthy, I dance and do yoga, I have good energy…I sleep well and am thin.

“You’re Vitamin D deficient”

I knew that already, but wait…what did you say before?

“You will want to avoid white carbs…watch your sugars…”

I expressed shock and thanked her for calling. I had an appointment coming up with a bio-chemist nutritionist who had ordered a full blood panel, and part of me thought:

They don’t know what they’re talking about. I’ll wait for my nutritionist.
Denial was setting in.

Days later, I sat across from my test results, printed out on white paper, red marker circling several numbers as my nutritionist pointed out the full picture:
Pre-Diabetes
Estrogen and Progesterone imbalance
Hormonal Acne
Adrenal imbalance and fatigue w/ symptoms of low thyroid function

And this was all just before my 41st birthday.

And now I had a choice.
What did I want for my life moving forward?
What did it mean to be pre-diabetic with hormonal imbalance?
How was I going to celebrate my 41st year?

I could feel a label forming in my mind, loaded with judgement and fear, and the constriction was rising in my throat. I cried sharing the news with my mother, and stood in the open door of my fridge, realizing this was a big change.

And I asked myself, have I been here before? Something felt familiar.

What have been the diagnoses on your Creative Life?  Those outside voices that say:

This work is horrible
I don’t want to buy this!
You have to start from scratch
Your submission has been rejected

And in the face of the diagnosis, what did you believe?

Did you believe:
My work is horrible
My work has no value
I can’t finish anything
My work is not worthy

And did this translate into:
I am not worthy

I found myself wanting to put a label and definition on being pre-diabetic.  And it felt deeply disempowering.  I could feel the door closing and a sense of hopelessness seeping in, as I walked the grocery aisles and passed so many things I used to buy.

Can you relate?

But there was something else happening, and that was the sense of familiarity, an actual reminder of my past actions.

I had been here before.  When I was eight years old, I actually had debilitating migraines and was put on a special diet for a year.  I wasn’t allowed to eat what every third grader at the time was living on….no more pizza, soda, or frozen foods.  It was challenging, but I did it.

And at the end of the year, my migraines were gone.  And I was healthier.

This isn’t all….I can think of several times I was given a “diagnosis” in my life and had to make big changes.  The biggest being my diagnosis of divorce.

And if it wasn’t for my divorce, I would have never found grounding in my performance or decided to launch my own company.  I literally would not be writing you right now.

In the face of each one, I was standing on the place of CHOICE.  Would I use this diagnosis to allow me to step forward and create anew, or would I attach to it and turn it into an identity, into a fixed and unchanging part of who I am?

So, what if you took a step back and asked the same questions:
Have I been here before?
What do I want for my Creative Life moving forward?

Could I have created a fear-based label around being “Pre-diabetic?”
Absolutely.
Would it have made me feel even more trapped?
Absolutely.

So, instead, I bought a small journal to hold all the new information I was about to take in, and got out my P Touch Label maker and typed in this:
Food Fun

I remembered I am very resourceful.  I have made my way through childhood migraines, divorce, loss of loved ones, rejection, heartbreak, robbery, and career disappointments. And I reminded myself of a simple truth:

Change is constant.

It’s what we do in the face of it that shapes our future.

I remembered I actually love to learn, and this could be an opportunity to try new recipes, and taste new foods. And the truth behind change, applies to my body.  Today, I have this diagnosis, but it is not fixed.  As I change my diet, my numbers will also change, and my body will come into balance.

Thank goodness for the diagnosis, otherwise I wouldn’t have known things were so critical.

So, take a moment to look at what you have decided to make fixed in your Creativity.  How can the diagnoses you’ve received open you to a new way of expressing yourself?

How can your Diagnoses feed your ability to Create anew?

You are full of resources.  Turn within, and remember who you are.
And come join me in the kitchen for a yummy balanced treat.