Standing Water

I’ve been sick for a while.

And I finally know why.

After weeks of coughing, losing my voice, having both a bacterial and viral infection, and experiencing fatigue and earaches, I have the answer.

And the crazy part is, I knew it all along.

So, why did it take me over a month to finally heal?

I can chalk it up to one thing,
Self Trust.

 

Have you ever had a nagging voice bringing up the same thing over and over again?
Have you found yourself in a repeating pattern and wanting to know why you can’t seem to break free?
Do you feel like a broken record, and yet are not seeing the results you want in your Art?

Turns out the answer may be something so simple, and right in front of you.

Want to know what it is?

It’s your Air Conditioner.

 

All of my problems began six weeks ago when I started running my air conditioner at night.  I’ve lived in this apt for four years and never had issues before, but started to have low energy, sore throat and earaches when I turned it on this season.

There was a lot going on in my life at the time, and when I lost my voice, I factored in the AC unit, but went into strategies and treating the symptoms.

I rested
I contacted my doctor
I drank tea
I steamed
I got acupuncture
I took antivirals

The list goes on and on, and while I would start to get better, the symptoms would return.

I went through every emotion in the book, frustrated, and practicing some serious self empathy.

How could I be doing SO much and STILL be dealing with the issue?

What was the DEAL??

But all along was this nagging voice….the one pointing towards my AC unit, humming along in my window.  I cleaned the filter, I cleaned the outside and wiped it fully down.

And then the AC unit started to make a weird noise….
CHUGACHUGACHUGACHUGGGAA

What the heck??

And as the weeks went on, and I was trying so many other things, I realized I wasn’t addressing the real issue.

Where the SOURCE of the problem was.

Until I looked inside…..

And I mean literally, inside the AC Unit.  And that’s when I saw it.

Standing water.

Who knows how long it had been there, but the answer was right there.  That feeling that had been in my gut for weeks was now confirmed.  The voice that had been nagging me about the unit was loud and clear.  It didn’t matter how much I cleaned the filter, because the issue was in the unit itself….and it was blowing whatever was growing in the water straight into my apt.

Straight into my lungs.

I called my landlord, and he bought a new AC Unit, and within 24 hours, my energy returned and my sore throat and earaches were gone.

It was that simple……and I knew it all along.  My BODY knew it all along.

The question was,
Was I willing to listen?
Was I willing to trust myself?

 

Take a moment, and check in.

What have you been saying to yourself time and time again?
When you look at where you are and where you want to be…what is in that gap?
What has been the piece you have been saying needs to change?

Where is your standing water?

Maybe it’s been:
I need to learn a new skill
I need a way to quiet my mind
I need to organize my studio
I need to focus on one thing at a time

Or maybe, there is something TOXIC that is growing in the standing water and a part of your environment, and has been calling out to you that it’s harming you.

Perhaps,
A partner who brings you down
Friends who shame you
A working environment that is literally unhealthy
Collaborators who don’t share your vision and cause you to compromise your Art again and again

When we take the moment to self connect, and stop judging the voices that are arising, we may find there is actual wisdom within.

We may find that the AC Unit is clearly saying,
LOOK INSIDE!

Because, we can’t change what we can’t see.

There has to be an awareness first, and then we can take action.

And in this case, the action is to begin true self trust so that you can create a life and work that nourishes you.

The answers truly lie within, and somewhere deep inside is that voice that has been crying out for you.

The voice that has been crying out for your brilliance, and all you have to share with your Talents and Gifts.

The voice that knows what you are capable of.
My journey went through infections, coughs, and fatigue to lead me back to the first instinct that arose six weeks ago. The instinct that was my truth and what would actually make a difference.
So, what is your truth?
This isn’t the time to judge and beat yourself up.

Sometimes we need to hit the wall again and again to finally trust ourselves.

When we can trust and tap into our inner wisdom, we can then become truly Unstoppable.

So, tune in, and listen.

What do you hear?

 

 

Image: Caitlin Cannon Photography

Stretching Your Voice

I’m losing my voice.

My throat is sore and scratchy, my energy is low.  I feel crappy.

This wasn’t supposed to happen today. Not this week….I can feel my vocal cords swelling and absolute confusion mounting, as I ask myself

How did I get here?

And the pain underneath of,
I don’t want to be sick.
I don’t have time for this.
This is soooooo unfair!

I don’t want to be where I am.

 

Have you ever felt like this?

I’ve been sharing with all of you my health journey over the past year, and most recently, I completed a very intense 28 Day Cleanse.  My last day was a Sunday, and I had been looking forward to it for weeks.

I imagined a wonderful celebration at the end.

I imagined an inner ticker tape parade, my blood and organs all standing tall, cheering saying,

We DID IT!

Instead, I started to feel sick the evening of my last day.

I had planned to wake up Monday morning, excited to add back in eggs, nuts, and coconut, ready to move back to some level of normalcy.

And instead, I woke up feeling sick and went into management mode, trying to ward off what felt like an impending cold or infection.

I gargled with salt water.
I took tons of natural supplements.
I drank lots of tea.
I made sure to get solid sleep.
I stayed in Astoria, instead of venturing into Manhattan, and didn’t take dance or yoga.

I did everything right….didn’t I?

And yet, come Thursday, after waking up feeling really fantastic and convinced I had beaten off the germs….I started to lose my voice.

Ironically, it happened while having lunch with my voice teacher.

And the panic started to rise.

I had big plans for the weekend.  I also had lots of clients and my business IS my voice.

But, with each sentence, I could feel my vocal cords swelling even more, and my voice getting raspier and raspier, and by Thursday night….it was completely gone.

Despite my best efforts, my voice was done.

So, I stopped speaking.

For DAYS.

I re-scheduled clients, and doubled down on rest, steaming, hot tea, and echinacea.  I started a Z pack, tried a whole new regiment I found from another singer who had lost her voice, and stayed in as much as possible.

And then the cough began.

I felt like I couldn’t cut a break.

Wasn’t I doing everything right?

It was SO frustrating to put in so much effort and healthy intention, and feel like I was moving at a snail’s pace.
Have you ever felt like this?

Been working so hard on what matters in your Creative Passion, and feel like the pace of your results doesn’t equal the level of what you are putting in?

Have you ever wanted to scream,
Can we just BE there ALREADY??

I imagine it feels like you are staring at a chasm.  You SEE your Vision, your goal of what you want to achieve.  You can even hear your raving fans, your completed novel, or hear that gorgeous symphony….

And yet, the question remains,

Why am I not there YET?

Maybe the chasm is there for a reason, though.  And perhaps the real question to ask yourself in the moment is something all together different.

What if in that moment, you took a breath, checked in, and released the death grip?

What if the chasm is actually PART OF the process and there to test you?

What if your Dream simply takes more time?

We all desire the quick fix, but at the end of the day, the test of having to stay in the process is really going to bring to light the most powerful tool we have as Artists,

Your commitment.

And by this, I mean your commitment to your work, and to your audience who is in witness to your expression.  Your commitment to the role Art plays in your lives, how it opens your heart and brings you to song.  None of us became Artists for trivial reasons.  This work is far deeper, and feeds us unlike anything else.

Music
Dance
Art
Photography
Writing

We are all changing lives, and it begins with honoring this within ourselves.

This isn’t automatic.  It’s deeply human, and this kind of work takes cultivation and intention.

When you are in the midst of the struggle, come back to your vision, and come back to your commitment.

Because the truth is, you have NO idea what tomorrow will bring.

Tomorrow,
Broadway may call
Your book may make the Bestseller List
The booker may book your band
A new collector may ask to buy your whole collection

You honestly can’t KNOW the future, but you can CREATE it.

You can wake everyday and continue to put in the effort from a place of honest intention, and doing the work it takes.

So your voice can be heard.

YOU decide.

 

This past week, my voice began to come back, slowly but surely.  My cough subsided, and my throat infection cleared.

It took way longer than I wanted, but I knew I had to stay in it, every day and take care of myself.

And my commitment?

You.

While I may have lost my physical voice, my commitment is that you never do.  And it gave me time to really reflect and come back to why I created my business in the first place and decided to empower Creatives across the globe.

My commitment to remind you of your brilliance, and remind you to stay IN it.

I’ve only lost my voice twice before in my life, so it was scary and frustrating to experience, but it also reminded me of what I’m capable of, and the moment of illness was temporary.

I imagine how scary it can be to start believing you won’t “make it”, but the truth is, with every day you ARE.  You are becoming in every moment, with every stroke, picture and note, the artist you desire to be.

Every day is a new day, one you have never lived before. And the list of “overnight successes” really is speaking to the night it all came together, after consistent work and effort.  In truth, most of these artists just stayed IN the process, no matter what. Tom Hanks was an overnight success after 10 years….take that in.

Live in the stretch and stay committed to your Art.

You create the life you want.

Share your glorious voice..