Blend Your Grind

I think I just drank plastic.

I’m pretty sure that horrible sound when I started my blender was the plastic cap…..

GRIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDddddddd…….

I couldn’t find the top this morning when I went to empty all my ingredients into my blender, and just thought,

It must have fallen down somewhere

OR…it was actually in the blender and just got mixed in with my ice, protein powder, coconut oil, and all the other goodies that make up my daily concoctions on this diet.

My smoothie tasted odd, different.  Something was definitely off, and it wasn’t the daily ingredients.

This was an extra piece that didn’t belong.

So, I emptied the smoothie down the drain, and started fresh, without the plastic cover on the top.  It was a pain, but I figured I could just hold I paper towel over the top to keep liquid from coming out.

The blender worked great otherwise, right?

WRONG.

 

Last summer, right before my 41st birthday, my whole world was turned upside down with the diagnosis of being pre-diabetic.  I went from a dancer’s mentality of loading up on carbs for energy to completely eliminating them.  My whole pantry emptied and was filled with items I didn’t think I would ever have.

My fruit bowl that was normally overflowing with bananas and peaches instead held avocados and squash. Chips, crackers, and popcorn all went away.

Thankfully, I started working with a brilliant biochemical nutritionist who prescribed a protocol that reversed my numbers in 3.5 months.  I was no longer pre-diabetic, but my blood sugar was still right on the cusp and too high.  So, in came her mentor, a integrative medicine doctor who started me on a more intense regiment and a cleanse.

A cleanse with smoothies.

Lots of them.

Before my diagnosis, I rarely drank smoothies.  I did enjoy a chocolate protein drink for breakfast every day, but my blender sat in my cupboard.

For years.

I don’t think I had taken it out once in the three years I’ve lived here, and the blender was actually from my bridal shower for my first marriage….back in 1997.

When I started the smoothies as part of my daily diet and a way to get good fats in my system, I got the old blender out of the cupboard, and it didn’t last long….just a few months.

And then, at the beginning of 2017, I grabbed my Bed Bath & Beyond coupon and bought the cheapest one I could.  With my coupon, the blender was a whopping $15.

That was all I wanted to spend.

I didn’t need anything fancy, right?

WRONG.

 

This $15 blender was a pain from the beginning.  The blades would get stuck, and I would have to pump the buttons to get an even mix.  Most of the time, the smoothies would come out lumpy, and when I would add avocado, the motor would actually burn out.

WHIRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrr…

And yet, I kept using it.

When the plastic top cover piece was ironically eaten by the blender, I had a quick thought,

Maybe I should buy a new blender.

And yet I didn’t.

I was determined to make this blender work.

Even though it was not working.

What was I really trying to prove?
What was actually going on?

 

Have you ever done something like this?

Tried to force something to work in your Art that clearly wasn’t?
Have you tried to keep working with people that you know in your gut are not your ideal collaborators?
Or forced a project that was not in integrity with your vision?
Have you seen all the signs and just trudged on anyway, thinking it will change on it’s own?

Most of all, have you cut yourself off from growth in your Creative Life for the sake of saving a few dollars?

Check in for a moment.  What in your Art are you allowing to be hard and take more energy than it needs?

There’s an easy solution, so you don’t have to drink plastic and burn out your motor.

You’d think the day I drank plastic would be the moment I would hop onto Amazon and buy a new blender, but I actually took the impending 28 Day cleanse I started in April to really bring it home.  I was looking at having 2-3 smoothies every day, and that was daunting.

So I broke down and went online.

And there it was….shining and new.  A glass jar, and the same make and model as my friend had recommended.

The price?

$23

Only $7 more than the last one.

The blender arrived and I plugged it in, and saw there was this button,
AUTO SMOOTHIE

I put all my ingredients in the jar, placed the nifty top on, and hit it.

And then magic happened.

The blender ground up the ice, and created the most even and perfect smoothie I have drank since my diagnosis.  All with one touch of a button.

That easy, and all it took was $7.

And there was a LOT in that $7.

There was the belief I could make it work.
There was an attachment to an old way of being.
There was a strong need to control a situation I didn’t feel comfortable in.

The answer?

Actually become present to the situation, recognize my frustration and anger at the cleanse and diagnosis, and then give myself a huge hug.

The old blender wasn’t working.  And I was using money as an excuse.

 

Have you done this before?

I think the real issue underneath was fear.  I was scared to admit I needed to let go.

And recognize I was doing the best I could, and this was not a sign of failure from my effort.

We can become so attached to how things HAVE been, and try to get the results we want, but just putting in more effort.

But more effort doesn’t equate results.  It’s really about the intention behind the effort and the effectiveness of your actions.

It may be as simple as just investing in making a change. Even more so, admitting to yourself it’s not working and it’s time for something new.

One that will free up your Creativity.
One that will be more effective, and allow for flow.
One that will inspire you and connect you even deeper to the reason you became an Artist in the first place.

And it may only cost $7.

As Albert Einstein said,
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results

What can you change today?

Throw away the old blender and bring in what puts you in the flow.

Changing of the Change

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So, today you can separate your bank accounts.

A panic rose in me, beginning in my heart and then almost choking off my throat.

Today?, I squeaked out.

The two mediation lawyers looked me directly in the eye, and said,

Yes

Not that any of this wasn’t real….the divorce, the mediation, the apartment on the market….

But, this meant I was only going to have half in my bank account of what I had yesterday. Yes, I had temp work lined up, and was auditioning, but it was more a feeling of panic that I was extricating myself from a dual situation, a comfortable situation that I had been in for 15 years.

There was no longer a safety net with two incomes.

As I looked at the mediators staring at my bank statements, I knew this train was leaving the station. I didn’t feel I had a choice anymore. All attempts at trying to stop this divorce from happening had been futile.

So, today was the day.
So, I went to the bank.

And for the first time in my life at 37, I was financially independent.

And once it was done, I felt something I didn’t expect,

Freedom.

 

A few months later, I was at a yoga retreat in Guatemala. This was my birthday present to myself, as I was licking my wounded heart after moving out of my married home in June, and being robbed in the process.

Someone literally broke into my car in the middle of the night and took everything that was in it, about $4K worth of my belongings, and all of it deeply personal.

The retreat was intense, healing, made even more powerful by a profound experience with a Mayan shaman…..but that’s a story for another time.

This story is about money, or what I thought was money.

There was a gift shop at the retreat center, and I must have bought Birthday and Christmas presents for every person in my life. Everything was handmade, gorgeous, and insanely affordable.

I knew I wanted some kind of keepsake for myself, and my eye came across a coin purse, simple, with several vibrant colorful threads interwoven.

I flew home with it, and it became a new symbol for me. This is where I was placing my money as a single woman. This is where I was building my life.

As I filled it with my cards, ID, and cash, I felt something I hadn’t felt all year,

Empowerment.

 

A few months ago, I took a long look at that same coin purse, and began to see the wear and tear.

The vibrant threads were fading and starting to come undone; a hole was forming in the front zippered area, where my metro card was peeking out in bright yellow.

This purse had been the purse of a woman building her life from ashes, and now it was not fitting its owner,

An artist building a mission.

I had heard one of my coaches asking the story of where we keep our money.

What does it look like?
What color is your purse?
Is it torn and faded?

And I saw the growth. I had just had a $30K month in my company, and I saw how this purse had held the woman I WAS, and now was unraveling as I was stepping into abundant success with my company.

So, I went to buy a new coin purse.

And this one was vibrant pink, with space to hold more. This was a purse that reflected who I am today.

And who I am becoming.

I brought the new purse home and laid them side by side….Guatemalan threads by vibrant pink clasps. I emptied out the first one and cleaned out old cards I didn’t need anymore.

Then I lit some Paulo Santo wood, and said quite simply,

Thank You.

And then I released the purse into the trash and took it outside. And I felt something powerful,

Calm.

 

Where do you keep your money?

Or even more powerfully, HOW do you keep your money?

Is your money a reflection of who you are today, or are you playing out an old scene on a decrepit stage, one where you are starving?

Is this even YOUR scene, or one you have taken on from other Creatives around you or possibly the generation before you who told you:

You can’t make a living with your Art
There’s no income in the Creative Fields
You have to offer your work for free

I never thought I could make in one month what I usually made in a year as a performer.

It took extricating myself from more than one situation to learn I was capable of earning more.

That situation was more than my marriage.

It was actually my belief.

The belief that it’s RIGHT to make a healthy living doing what is in your heart, and deepest to you.

The belief that you CAN feel with your money
Freedom
Empowerment
Calm

Maybe even vibrant pink….

So, what does your wallet or purse look like, and does it reflect who you are today, or who you have been?

What if it reflected who you are BECOMING?