Standing Water

I’ve been sick for a while.

And I finally know why.

After weeks of coughing, losing my voice, having both a bacterial and viral infection, and experiencing fatigue and earaches, I have the answer.

And the crazy part is, I knew it all along.

So, why did it take me over a month to finally heal?

I can chalk it up to one thing,
Self Trust.

 

Have you ever had a nagging voice bringing up the same thing over and over again?
Have you found yourself in a repeating pattern and wanting to know why you can’t seem to break free?
Do you feel like a broken record, and yet are not seeing the results you want in your Art?

Turns out the answer may be something so simple, and right in front of you.

Want to know what it is?

It’s your Air Conditioner.

 

All of my problems began six weeks ago when I started running my air conditioner at night.  I’ve lived in this apt for four years and never had issues before, but started to have low energy, sore throat and earaches when I turned it on this season.

There was a lot going on in my life at the time, and when I lost my voice, I factored in the AC unit, but went into strategies and treating the symptoms.

I rested
I contacted my doctor
I drank tea
I steamed
I got acupuncture
I took antivirals

The list goes on and on, and while I would start to get better, the symptoms would return.

I went through every emotion in the book, frustrated, and practicing some serious self empathy.

How could I be doing SO much and STILL be dealing with the issue?

What was the DEAL??

But all along was this nagging voice….the one pointing towards my AC unit, humming along in my window.  I cleaned the filter, I cleaned the outside and wiped it fully down.

And then the AC unit started to make a weird noise….
CHUGACHUGACHUGACHUGGGAA

What the heck??

And as the weeks went on, and I was trying so many other things, I realized I wasn’t addressing the real issue.

Where the SOURCE of the problem was.

Until I looked inside…..

And I mean literally, inside the AC Unit.  And that’s when I saw it.

Standing water.

Who knows how long it had been there, but the answer was right there.  That feeling that had been in my gut for weeks was now confirmed.  The voice that had been nagging me about the unit was loud and clear.  It didn’t matter how much I cleaned the filter, because the issue was in the unit itself….and it was blowing whatever was growing in the water straight into my apt.

Straight into my lungs.

I called my landlord, and he bought a new AC Unit, and within 24 hours, my energy returned and my sore throat and earaches were gone.

It was that simple……and I knew it all along.  My BODY knew it all along.

The question was,
Was I willing to listen?
Was I willing to trust myself?

 

Take a moment, and check in.

What have you been saying to yourself time and time again?
When you look at where you are and where you want to be…what is in that gap?
What has been the piece you have been saying needs to change?

Where is your standing water?

Maybe it’s been:
I need to learn a new skill
I need a way to quiet my mind
I need to organize my studio
I need to focus on one thing at a time

Or maybe, there is something TOXIC that is growing in the standing water and a part of your environment, and has been calling out to you that it’s harming you.

Perhaps,
A partner who brings you down
Friends who shame you
A working environment that is literally unhealthy
Collaborators who don’t share your vision and cause you to compromise your Art again and again

When we take the moment to self connect, and stop judging the voices that are arising, we may find there is actual wisdom within.

We may find that the AC Unit is clearly saying,
LOOK INSIDE!

Because, we can’t change what we can’t see.

There has to be an awareness first, and then we can take action.

And in this case, the action is to begin true self trust so that you can create a life and work that nourishes you.

The answers truly lie within, and somewhere deep inside is that voice that has been crying out for you.

The voice that has been crying out for your brilliance, and all you have to share with your Talents and Gifts.

The voice that knows what you are capable of.
My journey went through infections, coughs, and fatigue to lead me back to the first instinct that arose six weeks ago. The instinct that was my truth and what would actually make a difference.
So, what is your truth?
This isn’t the time to judge and beat yourself up.

Sometimes we need to hit the wall again and again to finally trust ourselves.

When we can trust and tap into our inner wisdom, we can then become truly Unstoppable.

So, tune in, and listen.

What do you hear?

 

 

Image: Caitlin Cannon Photography

Beneath the Noise

Abudance Incense

I raise my tea, holding the mug with both hands.  Steam slowly rises in my quiet apartment, the morning October light coming through my urban home.

Inside the hot tea swirls lemon and honey, warm and calming, a daily part of my morning ritual.  I feel my belly warm and shoulders relax.

My ears pick up the hum of my fridge and cars moving quickly down the street outside, and the air smells of incense after my meditation.  The small purple box containing the fragrant thin sticks sits nestled in my drawer, reading in large white letters:

Abundance.

And I sit to write.

This moment is glorious.  I feel peace, I feel grounded, and I feel creatively inspired.

It wasn’t always like this.

 

What does your morning look like?  
How do you feel when you wake and what do you do every day?

Mine used to start with hitting the snooze button.  Once, maybe twice, depending on the negotiating I was doing as soon as my brain looked at the clock.  Once I was up, I would chug a glass of water and head straight to the bathroom, and turn on the radio.

Noise.

Talk radio, news, interviews, stories, music.  If I had an audition, I would do a quick 10-15 minutes on my yoga mat, and then head back into the bathroom for doing my hair, makeup, and warming up my voice.

I would rush out the door with bags, and immediately plug in my headphones to more music. I would search for some song that would give me the energy for my audition or day, especially if I was feeling nervous.  I would drown out the nerves with Beyonce.  Couldn’t I just borrow her confidence for the day?

More noise.

Breakfast was eaten on the bus or on the subway, cereal in a ziplock bag. Sometimes it was hard to even hear Beyonce over the crunching.  What was I listening to really?

 

Then, the bottom fell out of my life and suddenly everything was a trigger.  Songs were a memory, shows were a memory, and I wasn’t even sure who I was anymore.  And for the first time in my life, I wanted something I hadn’t embraced before.

Silence.

Silence used to be so scary for me.  I always had the radio on, or TV, or speaking in some conversation.  I would walk around the city plugged in, drowning out the people on the subways, and my rising anxiety over my auditions and career.

What was underneath all the noise?

My voice.  It was trying to tell me things were NOT ok.  I wasn’t happy in my marriage, I wasn’t happy in my performance career, I wasn’t happy with the way I was in relationships and I didn’t know how to deal with the roller coaster of my mind in competition and comparison.

It took going through a divorce to finally listen.
Thank goodness.

 

So, what is the noise in your life?
What are you drowning out?

We have to change behaviors to start seeing results.  As long as we continue doing things the same way, the cycle will remain.  

So, what do you do?

Take a breath, and come into your body, and find the ONE step forward.  What is the one thing you can do today that is different?

We all can get on the hamster wheel of our lives, and become lost in what is familiar.  Frustration will only block you from what you truly want. This is the moment to step back, and make a different choice.  Just one.

From this one new choice, you will build self confidence and creative trust that will allow even more to open.

For me, it began with no radio, and blossomed into inner peace.  I had no idea it would lead to such joy, and creative ease.  I had no idea it would release my performance anxiety and re-connect me to my childhood love of writing. All I knew is that in the moment, that was what was crying to be heard.

Are you ready to listen?
Tune in, focus, and take the step.

Get off the wheel and step into your creative abundance.
It only takes one step.

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